CONNECTING IN LOVE: WORLD DAY FOR GRANDPARENTS AND ELDERLY

This post was scheduled to go live July 28, but due to an error in our system, its publishing was delayed. We apologize for the inconvenience and hope you can still enjoy this very thoughtful reflection!

-Novalis staff

If you are like me, you may still be learning about World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. This celebration was prompted by Pope Francis in 2021, and for the 2024 year he has chosen the theme from Psalm 71: “Do not cast me off in my old age.” It is an important message, but I prefer to find the positive spin in “do not” messages. So, what would the positive spin be in this case? “Keep connected” or “keep connected to me at every age and stage.”

Becoming a grandparent is often the threshold to elder status, but not always. How do we reconcile our own ideas and readiness about aging and joining the elders? I became a grandmother long before I was elderly – when my eldest son, at age 19, became a father. There is something to be said for suddenly being “grand,” but I was still actively mothering my four other children, including a toddler. It was challenging to make those adjustments and maintain family connection with my son and also include my daughter-in-law, the baby, and the in-laws.

Fast forward 18 years when my other children started their own families as they approached their 30s and I was nearing retirement. I had heard many of my friends and colleagues talk about how much they yearned for grandchildren. And I finally understood: it is a developmental stage! According to psychologist Erik Erikson, we must figure out whether our lives will be generative or if stagnation will set in. When my first few grandchildren were born, I wasn’t in that stage. We did lots to support our eldest son and his family through the years, but our grandparenting has been very different now that my husband and I are free from our own busy work lives.

Becoming a grandparent is a passive thing. Being a grand-parent comes with action steps and challenges. Pope Francis reminds us to keep connections, build relationships: to be generative!  We are not to let ourselves become lonely or cynical – there are relationships to grow and then navigate around to find that sweet spot of being loving and supportive without interfering. We can set a healthy path for our future and, as I am learning in my 60s, we can focus and feel the beauty of this stage of life and work on those relationships.

Relationship building can be very challenging when technologies and media are changing so quickly. I am capable of sending texts and video chats but I prefer to write letters and postcards to my grandchildren. When somebody gets a letter in the mail it’s now a unique medium and it gets attention. If the recipient expresses interest in writing back, I send a stamped envelope along so their response is not hindered by wondering how to buy a stamp.

My mother became a community activist as she became an empty nester. She explained to me that she saw things that needed to be changed in the world and was motivated by seeing a new generation emerge. She said “somebody should do something.” She realized that her children (myself included), the parents of those grand-babies, were too busy raising their families to get involved. My mother told me that it was then that she realized that she was “somebody” and her activism began. Her many grandchildren were all over the planet so regular visiting was not easy and video chatting was only possible near the end of her life. Her grand-parenting included following her heart for peace and being an example to her family with her positive community involvement.

The gaps between the generations may be exacerbated by new technologies and social media. Perhaps these technologies give us more opportunities to communicate and connect. But no matter how I communicate, I can start with gratitude: be thankful every day for life and the things I am still able to do. And then to be… a living example of God’s love and forgiveness to the young generation – modeling healthy relationships, as best I can, day-by-day.

Of course, I can’t help but worry sometimes about my children and my grandchildren. There are the times when I see or hear things that I cannot change, yet I dare not interfere. What to do then? For me, these are the times to work on my primary connection with the Holy Spirit of Love and root myself in prayer and patience.

God bless all grandparents and each of us!

Jeanne Lambert combines her experiences as a parish and community nurse and her music ministry, and she continues to find ways to include music in pastoral care and community hospice work. Jeanne has many diverse writings and presentations to her credit on family life, grief, wholistic health care and spiritual reflection.