MARY, MARTHA AND LAZARUS: THE OTHER HOLY FAMILY
Besides Mary, Joseph and Jesus, there is another exemplary family that played an important role in the life of Jesus. That is the family of his dear friends – Mary, Martha and Lazarus. John’s glimpse into their lives is both instructive and affirming.
All of us belong to families of one sort or another and can likely relate to the interpersonal dynamics of these siblings. Who hasn’t at one point felt that they were doing more than their share of the family workload. This is most commonly felt in childhood – when we argue over whose turn it is to do dishes or take out the garbage. But it can also emerge as a conflict later in family life when negotiating family holidays or most especially when the need to care for elderly parents emerges. Negotiations about how each member contributes to the workload (or financial load) can be even more contentious than any childhood arguments about household chores.
What are we called to learn from this 1st century household in Bethany that we might apply today? From the story of Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus while Martha bustled around preparing and serving food, the Marthas among us might hear a call to be less judgemental of those who take on a contemplative role. Mary might be the person who sits and talks to mom and dad while the other siblings clean their house. Or she may be the one who still has young children or a new job or some other life circumstance which requires a dedicated, loving focus thus requiring Martha to take up a greater share of the burden. But there is also a lesson for the Marys who may need to make explicit their appreciation of the hard work of the Marthas of the family. These folks might be called upon to keep their eyes open for the moments when they can relieve their hard-working sister.
It is interesting to note that a few chapters after this story, we are confronted with the account of the death of Lazarus. Here, it is Mary who chooses to “stay home” while Martha is the one who runs out to encounter the Lord. Perhaps, Martha and Mary were both changed by the earlier encounter with Jesus and found a little more balance in the family dynamic. It can be helpful to take the long view of our families and see that at different times we may all have our Mary and our Martha moments. Perhaps, unable to see it in the moment, this larger perspective may help instill more patience in us.
There is a second striking lesson for us in the story of this biblical family, one about the power of the love than can exist between siblings – a love which becomes especially clear when death threatens. At the loss of their brother, Mary and Martha are united in grief. This is a common experience of families – even ones that have been broken by conflict. At such times, we have the opportunity to recognize how short and precious life is. We may even be prompted to mend broken relationships and forgive past wrongs. Not every family is able to embrace the possibility, but it is offered to all. Mary, Martha and Lazarus were given the miraculous chance to live as a family again. As families, we may not experience a literal death and resurrection, but if we can be honest enough to recognize the ways in which relationships with our family have been harmed and call forth the courage to heal, we can enter into a similar experience of new life.
Christine Way Skinner is a doctoral student at Regis St. Michael’s at the Toronto School of Theology and has been a lay pastoral minister for more than 30 years. Together with her husband, Michael, she has parented 6 wonderful children. She has written a number of books for Novalis on living the Catholic faith for both adults and children.
