CELEBRATING GRAND-PEOPLE

The relationship between a grandchild and a grandparent can be locus of the most profound experiences of love and joy.

The other day, I returned home from a month-long trip. My daughter Beth and 15-month-old grand-daughter Aliyah picked me up at the airport. My heart was bursting to see them both even though we had face-timed every day … sometimes twice … while I was away. I had missed those baby hugs. I sat in the backseat with my grand-daughter so that she would be able to see me from her car seat. I can’t recall anyone ever being so excited to see my face. It didn’t matter that I was unshowered, jet-lagged and generally unkempt. None of my personality shortcomings or moral failures matter. This little girl looked at me as if I was a miracle. She couldn’t stop smiling. At the mildest of my silly faces, she burst into belly laughter. She has not left my side since I returned. I even had to cut the lawn with her on my shoulders. In her presence, I feel unconditionally beloved.

Many years ago, I regularly stayed at my great-grandmother, Mary Taylor’s house. I loved being with her. She would serve me little snacks of fresh tomatoes (which she ate with a mountain of sugar atop). I can still hear her voice as she read The Little Pony to me while I sat on her lap in the rocking chair. When we cut out paper dolls together and played with them, I always had a sense that she had all the time in the world. When she did have to do chores, she patiently found a way for me to help, even though it would have probably been easier to leave me playing and just tend to the tasks herself. As a result of her gentle, inclusive manner, I loved being her little helper – and that included collecting the household waste (no indoor plumbing) and walking down the cow path at the back of the farm house to dump it down the groundhog hole. Poor groundhogs! At night Gramma would take her medication. I wanted to be just like her, so I wanted to “take a pill” too. Instead of simply saying, “no,” she would give me a small pearl of tapioca and a glass of water. (I realize this might not pass safety guidelines today, but it was her way of always finding a way to say “yes” to me.) After we took our pills, we would crawl under the quilt on the bed, say the rosary together and snuggle up to go to sleep. In her presence, I felt unconditionally beloved. 

These experiences of unconditional love are, for me, a marvellous glimpse of what it means to be loved by God. For those who have good grandparent-grandchild relationships, it can be one of the purest expressions of love. Liberated from the dynamics of discipline and intense responsibilities that necessarily characterize parenting relationships, grandparents are freer to delight, to indulge, and to take time with grandchildren. And grandparents can be incredibly important in nurturing the faith life of grandchildren. They can pass on traditions and tell stories of Jesus, Mary and the saints. They can accompany their grandchildren to church and bless them with holy water when they come to visit. But most of all, they can make them feel unconditionally beloved.

Just a few days ago, Pope Francis met with a group of children from a summer camp. One of the children asked him if he had any superheroes. The Pope responded, “Do you know who my superheroes are? Grandparents. Because they built a family, and then they grew older. But grandparents are wise. And that is why it is important that you all talk with your grandparents.” It is no surprise, then, that Pope Francis established the World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly in 2021. Grandparents are vital to the lives of children. And children are vital to the lives of the elderly. If we do not have the gift of having positive biological grandparent relationships, we can establish them with other elders in our community. Whether adopted or biological, grand-people relationships can be sources of wisdom, compassion and joy. Most importantly, they are places were each help one another feel unconditionally beloved.

Christine Way Skinner has been a pastoral minister for thirty years and has recently begun a doctoral program in theology at St. Michael’s College. Together with her husband, Michael, she has parented six wonderful children. She has written a number of books for Novalis on living the Catholic faith for both adults and children.