ST. VALENTINE’S DAY
February 14. Is it the feast day of a saint? A throwback to pagan gods? A holiday for romance? A commercial opportunity for chocolate and candy makers, florists, card designers and fancy restaurants? And what about the little Valentine cards that children share with friends at school? From what I have read and learned, it’s all of the above.
Based on a feast day of one of perhaps several people named Valentine, February 14 is the death date of a martyred priest. In the very early days of the church, Valentine performed miracles of healing, including a child with epilepsy. He spent his life doing good for others and showing love through acts of service to people in need.
The love story part of Valentine’s Day comes in part from a message he sent from prison to a young woman. He signed his message “your Valentine.” There is also some evidence that Valentine held marriage and family love in high regard. He officiated over marriages and offered blessings to married couples. Another part of the strong link between Valentine and lovers was because of a 14th century poem by Chaucer about birds finding their spring mates on February 14.
I remember writing and taking little Valentine cards to school on Valentine’s Day. And I remember getting some funny ones over the years. My father would give my mother the same humorous valentine each year, kind of as a joke in Archie Bunker style: “You are my Valentine, if anything changes, I’ll let you know.” But it was clear that it was still a thoughtful and loving gesture. There have been years in my life when I have kept a special message from my husband and appreciated even the simplest acknowledgment of Valentine’s Day or an anniversary. Sometimes life was so busy with children or finances were so stretched that all we might manage is baking a cake for the occasion and staying at home.
I am struggling with writing this today because of a recent death in the family: my sister Annette died last week. In some ways, we were like a set of twins in the middle of a family of 10 children. She was a bit younger than me and like many of my siblings and me, she moved far away from our hometown to find her place in the world. She had a long history of illness, a lifelong struggle with pain and mobility issues. For her to pass on was a great relief in many ways. For her to be free of her earthly struggles is a good thing. But such a death is not without sadness and deep grief. I was able to visit with Annette before she died, and we talked about her favourite Scripture passages. I read to her from the book of Job which helped to answer some of the angst and the “why me?” questions she was having. One of the Scripture readings that week was from Hebrews 2, about Jesus freeing “those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death.” God’s Word was a balm for my sister and for me, allowing us both to let go and let God.
What does this have to do with St. Valentine? Ultimately, it’s about love. At my stage of life, I have experienced many aspects of love: the inkling of playful romance, felt when I would get embarrassed jumping rope and hearing the name of a boy I liked; the early romantic love I felt when I had a crush on a curly-headed boy in high school; differentiating friends in college from potential partners (the men from the boys); and the confidence I felt in finding a partner I could spend my life with and get married. Fortunately, and through the grace of God, we made a life together and now have experienced decades of love with children and grandchildren included. Through those years, we learned different kinds of love within our relationship. In addition to philia (friendship and sibling) love, storge (family) love and eros (romantic) love, there is a kind of love called pragma, or enduring love, which might be the correct term for my feelings. With our children and with adult siblings, God’s unconditional agape love can sustain us through this loss.
So, as St. Valentine’s Day rolls around again, I may give the same Valentine again this year since “my Valentine” is still the same. I am also reminded that there are many ways to share love, be charitable and show our kindnesses to each other on St. Valentine’s Day and every day.
Let us pray:
Thank you, Lord, for the feelings we have that help us in our relationships with others. Guide us, on St. Valentine’s Day, and every day, to show loving kindness to our partners, our children, our parents, our siblings, our friends and colleagues, our neighbours and strangers.
Thank you for your unconditional love to sustain us and build our relationship with you. Through Jesus, the Rose of Sharon – beautiful, merciful and full of the fragrance of love. Amen.
Jeanne Lambert combines her experiences as a parish and community nurse and her music ministry, and she continues to find ways to include music in pastoral care and community hospice work. Jeanne has many diverse writings and presentations to her credit on family life, grief, wholistic health care and spiritual reflection.
