OF FATHERS, FAILURES AND GOD’S GRACE
Father’s Day is a perfect opportunity to reflect on the gift of fathers and father figures in our lives. We take time to honour the men in our lives who have contributed to our sense of self as we continue to grow in understanding of what that truly means. These men are the ones to whom we were born, and/or men who have stepped up and stepped in when our fathers could or would not. We use Father’s Day to extol the virtues, values and life lessons that these men have taught us.
As a father, I receive the accolades from my family with gratitude and joy. Yet, I must admit that I am woefully aware of my inadequacies as a dad. I pride myself on my patience and then am very impatient at times. I endeavour to be present in the lives of my children but realize I am sometimes too busy or do not share their interests. For example, I adopted a son who is avidly interested in organized sports. I have absolutely no interest in such. I must be such a disappointment to him at times. I am also sure I have disappointed each of my children at some point, no matter my commitment to ideals and noble efforts. I am sure if you asked my adult children to expound on my gifts and contributions as a father, they would have a long list. I also know that if you asked them to list my shortcomings, I would appear to be a total failure as a dad. I am confident when I say I am a bit of both and my fatherhood is never fully captured in either category. It is worthy of note, however, that when we focus on fatherhood and failures, we are measuring success or failure by the expectations we carry of the men in whose care God placed us. It is more about what we wanted or needed than about what they we capable of giving.
Like our human fathers, God as Father can appear to be failing us. This Father of creation and life is the overseer of a world of war, death and environmental destruction. This all-loving Father is the guardian of a world where hatred and bigotry can seem overwhelming. God the omniscient Father governs a world that seems to be full of ignorance. The Father of all holiness and goodness appears to allow evil to exist and flourish. It is not surprising then that some of us abandon faith in this Father-God. My suggestion is that maybe any crisis of faith in God our Father is more rooted in our expectations than in the reality of what God offers us as his children.
God our Father, in scripture, reminds us that we are created out of love and cared for. We are God’s children (1 John 3:1) and each of us is a wondrous and new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) in whom God the Father delights. Our proud Abba/Daddy God marvels at us and sees us as wise and worthy of redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30) despite our sins and shortcomings. Our heavenly Father reminds us constantly that we are holy, blameless and specifically chosen for love and mission (Ephesians 1:4, Phillipians 2:15 ). Each of us is a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10) and loved beyond measure (1 Thessalonians 1:4, 2 Thessalonians 2:13). We are never abandoned in our brokenness, bad decisions, bad actions and our sin. The Father’s gift of free will means we are at liberty to make decisions contrary to God’s will for us. We are also assured that God’s mercy, forgiveness and grace make us whole again (2 Corinthians 12:9). We can turn to God for anything. God will always protect us even if he seems silent and hidden in the background. This image of God as benevolent father is one in whom it is easy to believe.
I always strive to these ideals. I have also seen them in my father, my male caregivers, and mentors. I observe them in the many fathers, stepfathers, and kincare dads in my family and among my friends. Our children are marvellous gifts that benefit from our pride in them, our commitment to their well-being and our delight in their very existence. All these make some of our shortcomings and failures almost irrelevant. It is in our sought-after ideals that we can encounter the living God, our Father. It is through our limitations that we can encounter God’s grace, companionship and abiding understanding. Afterall, he is a Father too.
Michael Way Skinner is a retired Coordinator of Religion, Family Life and Equity with the York Catholic District School Board. He was a contributing author to World Religions: A Canadian Catholic Perspective, and co-authored There Must be a Pony in Here Somewhere (Novalis, 2020) with his wife, Christine Way Skinner. Michael is a public speaker and award-winning educator who is deeply committed to faith as a source for inclusion and justice.
